"Purple Haze" by Mara Tells Stories
The small red sun moved slowly over the purple sky without giving too much heat. I sat on the warm slab of asphalt next to the sea, listening to the waves gently crashing against the half-submerged buildings sticking out of the water.
I was used to feeling lonely, but the purple haze of the sky always made those unwanted feelings stronger, and I hadn't found a way to escape them. It was easier where I came from because whenever those feelings arose, I could easily distract myself by watching TV or going shopping. But it was different here. It seemed like this whole world was created with the sole purpose of reminding me that I didn't belong here.
Most of the time, though, I didn't regret coming here. When Taniwa was around, those dark feelings faded like a cloud blown by the wind. But now she had gone to town, trying to sell the goods we'd scavenged from those strange, tall builidings sticking out from the sea. Without really knowing why, i'd decided to stay on the beach and guard our boat. Some part of me had wanted to let the purple haze of the sky fill my heart with melancholy. Even though I'd tried to fight the urge. I'd lost and so, I'd pointed to the beach instead when her smile asked me if I wanted to come with her.
Was it because I knew how happy I would be when she returned, and we would sail back to her place? Or was I just afraid of what would happen if I let the feelings I had for her grow uninterrupted? I wasn't sure, and even if I knew, I was too afraid and would never have admitted to the truth even to myself. It was too dangerous. I already had more than I could ever have wished for, and risking it all for some undefined future my mind made up was just stupid. At least, that's what I'd told myself all those countless times when the feelings began to flood me.
Image Description: A city's skyscraper rises out of icy water. A purple haze fills the sky, saturating the clouds and the sky's reflection in the water.
Credit: Lianhao Qu / Unsplash
Maybe I was a coward, but I really didn't want to drown, like the city before me had done when the dam broke and the dark sea claimed wide streets and tall buildings. If preventing the flood meant letting the purple haze bring me to a lonely place, I was willing to pay the price.
Never before had I had anyone who cared for me even the slightest, so the fact that Taniwa let me, an absolute stranger, live with her meant a lot to me. For the first time, I had a place I could call home. Even if that was a building sticking out of the sea, with howling winds haunting its empty corridors and waves crashing against it, it didn't matter. As long as Taniwa was with me, it was my home.
I fust wish I could tell her how much she meant to me, even if only as a friend. On the other hand, maybe it was better that she couldn't understand what I said. If she could, and we would start to talk, I would probably let my mind slip to the wrong place and tell her something I shouldn't. Sometimes I wondered why she had taken me in and let me stay with her. Was she longely, too? Why did she live in this abandoned building far out in the sea when she could easily have found a place in town?
I wish I knew more about her, but without any way to ask her directly, I was bound to my guesses and imagination, and I wasn't sure if it was a good thing. Probably not, considering that my imagination took me to placess I wasn't ready to visit. It was difficult as it was already, especially when the storm kept us inside for days and, with no other means to stay warm, we had to stay in bed the whole day.
I still remember the day she found me sitting on the beach, soaking wet and absolutely confused by what I saw around me. She'd wrapped me in her coat and taken me in her small boat to her home. It was a while ago, but our relationship hadn't changed much since that day, and I never knew what she really felt about me.
Was it just the custom of this world that dictated her actions, or did she genuinely care about the others? Neither of those options really fit the picture I'd built in my mind. Even I noticed that the people in this town were different from her. Even if they looked like her and spoke the same language, there was a stark difference in how they acted. Somehow, Taniwa was as much of a stranger in this town as I was.
That was probably another reason why I felt so strongly about her. Our outside differences quickly disappeared when you compared what both of us must have felt when we looked at the purple haze of the sky in the evening as the sun slowly set behind the horizon.
Maybe I knew more about her than I wished to admit, but I was afraid that admitting to that knowledge would reveal parts of me I'd never dared to express. Maybe we were not so different from each other, after all. If that were true, it would explain why we could live together with such ease even if we couldn't understand each other.
Those thoughts also gave me hope. If she was like me, she may feel the same way as me. If that was the case, she must be as afraid of those feelings as I was and would have decided to wait them out rather than risk everything, potentially losing the most precious thing she'd ever had.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of soft footsteps behind me. She always moved so quietly, even on the rough gravel that covered the beach, that when I turned my head to face her she almost stood next to me with a bright smile on her face.
To my surprise, she put her hand on my shoulder and said something while looking at me. I don't think she'd ever done that before. Usually, she would just help me get up, and I would follow her to the boat, helping her carry the food she'd brought from town.
Why had she done it?, I wondered. Could it be that rather than risk everything in one revealing move, she tried to gently test the waters? At least that's what I would have done in her place, and according to my thoughts, we weren't really different. So...should I also take a small step and test the waters? If she were like me, she would understand, I told myself as I gathered my courage and took her hand in mine. She looked at me with surprise at first, but then a soft smile appeared on her face and she didn't object. We walked to the boat as the sun slowly disappeared beyond the horizon and the purple haze of the sky gave way to the starry sky that illuminated the night.
About the Author
Mara (they/them) is an autistic and queer writer. For as long as they remember, they have loved to make stories, build fantastical worlds, and spend most of their time there. They never saw themself represented in any of the books they read, and it made them wonder if something was wrong with them. They say that if we don't see ourselves in the stories we read, we somehow don't exist. Years later, with the encouragement of their partner, they started to write the stories they always wanted to read when they were younger. You can read more of Mara's work on Booksie or Wattpad or listen to their readings on YouTube .
Read Mara's work on Underground Bookshelf:
Add comment
Comments